Flipping the Script this Holiday Season
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about disrupting narratives. Not necessarily in loud or destructive ways. (Though there’s a time and a place for that.) But more so in the sense of not buying the script you’ve been handed.
That feels especially relevant for this time of year, when we have so many cultural, familial, and personal scripts running in the background.
It’s the holidays, so that means we do this, or that, and it’s so easy to fall into the spiral.
“Oh, do I have my list? Did I get a gift for everybody? Oh, thank you so much for that gift (I do not like that gift), and now I have to go out to a party when all I want to do is stay home and put the blankets on but I can’t because it’s the holidays and that means we have to be out and loud and happy!”
Consider this your gentle invitation to experiment with a different script. You can run your own play this December, instead of stepping right back into all those roles that were never yours to begin with. And, you can do it without anybody else even noticing, if you want.
Because while of course it’s tempting to throw up your hands and say “I’m not even going to make the stupid candied yams this year!” you know that if you do that, Grandma’s going to say something, and then it’ll all just spiral from there. And honestly, even if the holidays are joyful for you, they can still be overwhelming. It’s easy to get busier than you intended and have it all just fly by leaving you an exhausted heap by the time the festivities arrive.
This is not about blowing things up. It’s about creating safety.
As always, safety is the medicine, and subtle is significant. If you do something big that doesn’t feel safe, then you’ve just shown your body again that it can’t trust you, and that just creates more distress. So take it slow, take it small, and give yourself the grace of subtle action.
Try this:
Start by finding safety. We want the season to have more of that, less overwhelm, right? Do you know what it feels like in your body? One way to do this is to use imagination to land yourself in a completely safe, familiar situation, and start to notice where it lands in your body. The meditation above could help play with that! If safety still feels foreign or blank, we should talk.
Now, what parts of the Yuletide season feel like that? See if there’s a way you can make the things you don’t want to do a little less terrible by making sure you have time and space for those things that feel meaningful and heartwarming to you as well. Maybe you can’t ditch the season altogether. But what would make it feel a little more like you have a big blanket wrapped around you while moving through it?
Let’s say there’s a pretty good chance you’re gonna hit a road bump during Christmas dinner. OK, great. So what can you do to support yourself through that? Can you add in a somatic practice, like squeezing your thighs with your hands, or massaging your ear lobe a bit? Could you feel your feet and notice your breathing if you’re feeling activated while sitting there at the table? None of this is big or disruptive -- in fact, it’s all essentially invisible to anyone who isn’t you. But it can make a world of difference.
Plan ahead for overwhelm. So often we try to avoid situations that make us feel bad, and then, wouldn’t you know it, something happens anyway and there we are stuck in the middle of it. Even if you can’t avoid all of the overwhelm, you can make a promise to yourself that you’ve got aftercare covered; a soothing soak in the tub, a date with a pile of blankets, warm drinks and a movie, etc. You get the picture. Whatever your version of cozy slippers is. Have that waiting for you.
Sending you so many New Moon blessings, and a final reminder that this time of the month is a wonderful time for reflection and planting the seeds for new endeavors. My invitation to you is to think about what intentions and actions you want to work with this month to make this December your December -- and not anyone else’s.
And of course, if you’d like some support while you’re moving through this month, I’m here for you. Find out how we can work together here.