You know, in theory, that it’s maybe not such a big deal. But that thing keeps spinning around and around in your mind. You try to put it down, and your brain picks it back up. You try to distract yourself, but look, there it is again!

Welcome to a very human behavior: ruminating.

Also called looping or getting stuck, ruminating is super common, and, as I said, very human. In fact, it can happen even when you’re well-resourced, and doesn’t have to have any kind of basis in reality. That doesn’t mean it’s not a huge, unfun bandwidth drain though. The good news is that it is absolutely possible to turn down the volume – and even break the loop altogether.

The first step is realizing that this is normal, and human, and is just going to happen sometimes.

Important disclaimer before we go too much deeper: some forms of ruminating can be part of more serious mental health issues, like OCD, anxiety disorder, or PTSD. While the things I’ll be talking about here can certainly help, I’m in no way claiming that this is “the cure,” or the only kind of support you might need.

That being said, starting out with some grace and acceptance for yourself can go a long way. Our brains get stuck on things, because we’re human and that’s what they do. You can think of it as your brain building this world around the activating event, trying to seek over and over again for a satisfying completion, which looping usually never finds. It’s kind of like an earworm, you know, how a little bit of a song can start looping in your head. 

The more you try to “fix” the stuckness, the more likely it is to get reinforced. Like a small child, your brain doesn’t distinguish between positive and negative attention, so the more you fight where you’re at, the longer you’re likely to stay there.

Instead, you need to try to complete the loop, and get yourself in front of someone else if you possibly can.

Just like listening to a song all the way through can help you shake that earwom, unfinished business in your brain related to an activating pattern, event, etc. can be helped by a completion too. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to do anything directly related to that event, instead, things like journaling or moving can really help. Try locating the activation in your physical body, then doing movements like pushing out or in with your extremities can help that looping quiet down.

Another great way to break out of the loop is connecting with someone else.

The act of connecting with someone else and letting them know what’s going on can make a huge difference in breaking that loop and helping turn your mind towards something else. Let them know that you don’t need anything right now except listening, and if you want to problem-solve, you'll let them know if/when you're ready for that.

In fact, some monthly mentoring clients use their messaging access to me in between sessions for just that: they send a wall of text where they get to say all the things they weren't able to in a charged event. I don't come with a fixing reply (much). It's more they have a place for it to land, and someone who goes "Yeah, that would be frustrating. Totally get you." etc. 

Don’t get hung up on perfection here: even the littlest bit of connection can help. If you can’t meet someone in person, send a long text to a trusted friend. Do a call while you go on a walk, or look out your window at a resource like a big tree or tiny bird and tell them about it. The whole point is to make it easy, and small, and then go from there. 

It sounds simple, but it really does help – the act of being seen, just as you are, and letting whatever’s going around in your head out, breaks the “world” your brain is building inside your head and gives you some breathing room to shift into something different.

Try this:

Try to notice if or when you start ruminating this month. What does your brain get stuck on? Is this something you often find yourself thinking about?

When something does come up, try for some somatic completion. Shake it out, sigh it out, big body movements and loud sighs, or small twists and small but vocal sighs, allowing the body to have those actions that complete the stress response that is present in looping.

Talk to a friend in advance and see if they’re willing to be a witnessing partner. You can be  eyes and ears for each other when there’s a ruminating thought you just need to get out. Remember, it’s about witnessing, affirming and validating, not problem-solving.

Finally, and most importantly, when you find yourself getting stuck, actually reach out! Notice what it feels like in your body before, and after. Is there anything you might want to do differently next time?

Not sure who to reach out to? It would be my genuine pleasure to hold that space for you. Find out more about how you can book a one-off session and get the neutral, compassionate witnessing you need to shift gears.