Every year I take a few days off work, drive up to the North shore of Lake Superior, and do a solo retreat.

I always stop at the same restaurant on the way up.

I always do one hike that pushes me right to my edge.

I always stay in the same place.

But what happens within the confines of those things? It’s always completely different – and always exactly what I need.

For instance, one year I got rained out and ended up reruns on TV became part of the structure. Not very “spiritual retreat”-y of me, but exactly what I needed to feed my spirit and soothe myself at the time.

This year, I stopped by the restaurant and ended up having a big cry before I went in. Again, not what I would have planned. But exactly what I needed.

And that got me thinking about the difference between intentions and plans. Because I always go to my retreat with a specific intention. I even build in some structure, a couple rituals I do. But I’m completely open to the way in which my intention unfolds each time.

It can be really tempting to try to script the way your intentions play out – especially if things feel chaotic or out of control.

It’s natural to want to know how things are going to play out, or even take planning further into “optimization” territory, and do your best to set up the perfect conditions in which your intention can unfold. Especially if you’re someone who has learned that uncertainty = unsafe, a tight grip on expected outcomes is very understandable.

But this is actually counterproductive ... not to mention impossible.

Think about it like this: I can’t train my tomatoes to grow up a trellis when they’re still seeds. I can put them in good soil, and water them, and have the support ready for when they grow. But I can’t control the exact way in which they come up, or the exact timing in which they’ll start to seek out something to cling to.

The exact same thing applies to your intentions. You can’t possibly proactively work out the exact, step-by-step manifestations of your intentions. And trying to do so often means that you miss opportunities and experiences you could have never otherwise imagined.

So my invitation for you this month is to hold your intentions a little more lightly. Let them grow, rather than trying to force them in one direction or another.

Want to give it a go? 

At this new moon, set the intention of merely noticing how you approach plans or intentions. 

Do they get grippy and tight, or is it enough to know a thing could happen, and see what unfolds? 

If you want to go a little further, couple this with noticing what happens when intentions turn out differently than expected. What happens to your mental chatter? What do you notice in your body? Is there a specific tension pattern that goes along with disrupted plans? (Maybe some jaw tension or hip tightness?) 

You don’t have to do anything but notice. 

However, if you’d like to shift anything that arises, keep it simple, and release the need for an outcome. Notice your breath, remember you’re in this one moment, feel your feet, maybe move a little in a way that feels good.

As always, I’m here to help whenever you need it, so if you’d like some support in holding your intentions gently, find out how that could work here!