I had a plan for my patio this year – I redid my landscaping so all the tall things I normally plan would be moved further down, and then I planted some shorter things up close so I could have a nice, unobstructed view.

And then, the tomatoes happened.

All those pretty little lettuces and broccoli plants were overtaken by volunteer tomatoes, and now I have a jungle of tomatoes instead of a porch with a view.

This is the point in the post where I could go a couple ways.

So much of the self-care world might focus on how to love the tomatoes I’ve been given, or alternatively, to empower myself by getting rid of all those tomatoes and reclaiming my view.

But what I actually see is an opportunity for discernment.

So often we have a tendency to bullshit ourselves into thinking that we like something we actually don’t. (“The Universe gave me those tomatoes, I must have needed them!”) Or we say, “Well I’m going to make myself like this, and make it into a good thing.” But neither one of those paths is particularly productive.

Instead, when you’re given something other than what you actually wanted, I invite you to ask yourself this question:

“Where am I really at about this? What do I want to do now? And how am I going to take care of myself while I’m doing that?”

Doing this reframes the situation and puts you back in touch with yourself and your body, so you can make a decision that feels aligned with what you actually want to do. Not what you feel you should do. Not what you feel the world is telling you to do. What you want to do. It opens up options, and avenues for action you might not have seen from your previous frame, and definitely wouldn’t have seen if you were trying to make lemonade out of lemons. (Or tomatoes, as the case may be.)

“But Christi, I have real problems!”

I hear you. So do I. So do we all. And this is in no way an attempt to diminish what you’re going through. I work with clients every day who are dealing with things like car accidents, major illnesses, gender transitions, loved ones being incarcerated, business shifts, IP thefts, all that and more – and I deal with things like this myself.

And because of this, I’ve seen that there is no situation that’s going to be made worse by getting current with yourself, then making an aligned decision with a plan to care for yourself. So give it a try the next time you feel like you’ve hit a wall, or simply been handed something you don’t want.

And of course, if you’d like some support in this process, I’m always here for you. Find out how we can work together here!