The Release of Not Knowing

I often describe myself as a recovering control freak. I like to know what’s going on, and if I don’t watch myself, I can end up getting caught up in trying to control things that are really none of my business.

I’ve done a lot of work to shift away from this, and one unexpected upside is ... release.

There’s such a sense of ease in realizing that things are going to happen, whether I have my hands on them or not. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about this with my garden lately. I planted some seeds last fall, and haven’t done a thing about them since. They’re down in the ground, doing their thing, and come spring, I’m going to have a beautiful surprise.

This has been such a different experience for me.

Because, you see, old Christi might have worried about those seeds. Wondered what they were up to. Been tempted to dig one up, just to take a peek.

But these days? I’m enjoying the mystery.

I’d invite you to try that out too. It can be hard. It’s very human to want to control our surroundings and our outcomes, but there’s such a profound sense of freedom that comes with the trust that things are going to unfold as they unfold, and you’ll still be there.

It’s not so much a trust in life, or the universe, or a higher power. It’s a trust in yourself, and your own capacity –– and realizing your place in the world is (thankfully!) not “The Boss of Everything”.

As my grandmother and I used to say to each other whenever we got impatient for something, or there was something out of our control, 

“We’re not the boss of that.”

And isn’t that a relief? Things can be what they’re going to be, and we can’t control that, but we can stay OK within ourselves, and get back to being OK when we get turned around.

How do you get there? It’s a process. But it starts with resourcing.

Try this: 

A couple of months ago I talked about finding resources in the world around you. Maybe it’s a solid oak tree outside your window, or the feeling of the ground beneath your feet. Have you been working with your resources?

If not, that’s OK. Try it out now, or this week. And, as you learn to work with your external resources, look for something you can let go of this week. Where might you be able to experiment with this new level of trust? It can be really small -- in fact, I encourage you to keep it small, that’s way easier on your body. 

But what tiny little thing can you give up control of this week? Where can you trust? It’ll ripple out to the bigger things in time.

And of course, if you’d like some support as you navigate this, I’m here to help. Find out how you can work with me one off, or as an ongoing engagement, here.